Red and Green M&Ms
by jjwitdaheydiddydiddy
Summary: Christmas themed Matt and Mello centric one shots and drabbles. Possible to include: Yaoi, sexual themes, stupidity, drug/drinking references, adult language, crummy humour, WAFFiness, and cliches. Enjoy!
1. Jingle Bells

I own Death Note. I hope Kira doesn't kill liars, becaus--PHHECK! GRAG! gaaaaaa....

Long drabble. No pairings. Drinking references. Filthy language that would make baby Jesus cry.

Now, without further dudes, the story.

* * *

"Jingle Bells"

-

Matt shot back the last of his drink, feeling pleasantly… hammered. "Whooooa. Godda lay denn… fer uh minnud. Juss tell … Mello…" The last thing he saw before blacking out was the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room.

Mello strutted back into the living room of the small apartment, quickly taking in the unconscious state of his P.I.C. 4-Life. "Figures." He sat down and took a glance at the camera feed to Misa's apartment. "Nothing." His head perked up. Matt was muttering something in his sleep, but he couldn't make it out… "What the?" "Dashing through Tokyo, on Mello's open sleigh," The blonde's mouth hung open a bit as he listened. "Trying to beat Near, and laughing all the way (ha ha ha)! Lidner's got our backs, she knows what to say… we're camping out to catch Kira in time for Christmas Day! Ohhhhhhh, jingle bells, Kira smells, Rester laid an egg. The Matt-mobile lost a wheel and Misa got away, hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Kira's gotta pay. Mello's taking too long, so Matt's here to save the day!"

SMACK!

"Ow! 'At the?" "Shut it, moron. You were singing stupid songs in your sleep." Matt blinked. "I was?" Mello slumped back into the chair and sighed. "Just shut up and get me some chocolate." The redhead stumbled to his feet and gave his superior a half-assed left-handed salute. "Yes, sir." When he got back from the kitchen, he pegged the Hershey's bar at his friend and collapsed on the couch again.

Fin.

* * *

I know. Stupid. But screw you, I did it anyway! And there's more stupid to come, so nyeeeh.

Footnotes: "P.I.C. 4-Life" = Partner In Crime for Life.


	2. The Christmas Song

Warnings: Testicles. That is all.

Continuation of "Jingle Bells."

* * *

"The Christmas Song"

-

Mello looked upon the gamer as he slept. Matt rolled over. "Mellooo roasting on an open fire…" Mello saw red for a second before he hurled a hand controller at the boy. "…Rod Ross nipping at some ho—Shit! Mello?!" "You were fuckin' singing again! Knock that shit off!" "Mreeeeehh…" "Dumbass."

Fin.

* * *

I know. Super-short.


	3. Looks a lot like Christmas

Warnings: This one is REALLY stupid. Far worse than the other two! Oh, yeah, and bad language, hinted yaoi, mentions of drinking and comic violence.

Continuation of "The Christmas Song."

* * *

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

-

Mello stood in front of him, looking pissed off as usual. Only he was wearing a red and white furry coat and a Santa hat over his leather. Out of nowhere, music began to play _-It's beginning to Near a lot like Mell-o...-_ "Dammit, not again." _-Boys in every store-_ "Shut up, shut up!" _-But the prettiest sight you'll see is the chocolate that will be at your own front door-_ "Matt, you'd better knock this weird shit off!" Mello screams while reaching for his gun... only to find a comically-large candy cane in the holster. A seething blue eye twitches. Behind him now stands a chorus of familiar children. _-Near's beginning to look a lot like Mell-o-_ "Oh come on!" _-Everywhere you gooo!-_ "That doesn't even make sense!" _-There's a room in the grand hotel, you'll meet in the park, as well-_ "Now you're gonna die!" _-That 'bino kid sure doesn't mind the shoooow-_ Mello tries desperately to shoot Matt with his candy cane. _-It's beginning to look like Near wants Mell-ooo... soon the moans will staaaaarrt!-_ "GHAAAAAGH!!!" _-And the thing that will make them yield-_ He took a flying leap at the redhead, claws extended for a good thrashing. _-Is the burning that they'll feel-_ It was like slow-motion as Mello's hands came closer and closer to his throat. _-Right withiiiin theeeeiiiirrr haaaaaarrrd—_ "FUCK!" Matt woke with a start, noting the boot that had hit him in the face. "Wha?" he looked over, blearily, at his assailant. His... very murderous-looking assailant... "You were singing in your sleep." He smiled nervously, laughing with the same chagrin. "Was I?" "You die now." Was all he heard before Mello leapt onto his half-conscious form, eyes ablaze and hands poised for complete tracheal constriction. "Gaaah!" As he fought off the enraged mafia boss, he screeched his protests. "No! Mello, it was just a dream! I didn't like it any more than you did! Nooo!"

Twenty minutes later...

Mello was nursing a bruised trigger finger while Matt tried desperately to blow a chunk of peppermint stick out of his nose. In the heat of battle, it had almost been a Lindt truffle, but Mello had soon regained his senses, and grabbed the second thing he could reach.

Mello kicked an empty can full of cigarette butts across the room. "That's the _last_ time I let you drink Screaming Nazis 'till you pass out!"

Fin.

(For real, this time!)

* * *

See? Awful. My sad attempt at humour. For those who are confused, the first part is Matt's dream.

Screaming Nazi: one part Rumple Minze (peppermint schnapps), one part Jägermeister. And yes, I am aware that you probably can't get Rumple Minze and Jägermeister in Japan. WTF-ever.


	4. There Can Be Only One?

Separate from the first three.

WAFF-y, slight Mello/Matt if you squint. OOC-ish characters. A bit over-done, but whatevs.

* * *

"There Can Be Only One?"

Mello cracked an eye open at the sudden disturbance in the room. Matt had started to shuffle around in a cabinet, which was… unusual. He glanced over at the clock on top of the television, noting that it was now morning, and he had slept all night in an upright position on the couch. With a groan, he cracked his neck and attempted to stand. Only to be pushed back down by the crazed-looking gamer. "Merry Christmas, Mello!" Matt thrust a cheerfully-wrapped package into his face. Blue eyes blinked, and he took the present slowly. Mello removed the festive paper to reveal a small, non-descript box. He raised a brow to his friend. Said friend looked on excitedly.

He opened the box, extracting a rather plain-looking white coffee mug. That said "#1" in large, black letters. Mello looked at the redhead like he was an idiot. "Matt…" Later, the blonde would swear he saw Matt shaking like an ecstatic puppy—tail-wagging and all. "Yeah?" His eyes sparkled. Mello frowned. "I'm not 'number one.' _Near_—" he spat his name like it was poison in his mouth—"is 'number one.'" Matt's face fell a bit—grew softer. "I know. But… you're number one to _me_." Mello looked up at him, blinking slowly. He didn't know what to say. He looked hard at the mug, lips turning up at the corners. "Hm. Well… I guess that's one thing that Near'll never be." The blonde Mafioso stood, wrapping his arms around Matt. "Merry Christmas, Matt."

End.

* * *

Yeah! Merry Christmas people! Or happy Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or Solstice or whatever. Eh, do whatchya want. See ya at Easter!


End file.
